PRAYERS FROM STANGERS

Back to the Bible study we go. Like I said me and a room of strangers more than twice my age talking about prayer and faith was a little intimidating at first. But soon I realized how much the women loved a younger person's perspective and how much I was growing listening to women who had matured so much in their faith. We were covering a book called, "The Power of Simple Prayer" by Joyce Meyer and one of the chapters we got to a chapter called, "Petition and Perseverance". Without getting into the nuts and bolts of the chapter itself while we were discussing it I felt very compelled to share with complete strangers what was going on in my life and how I was dealing with it. At the time I felt like all I did was talk to God, begging Him for a response or direction or a sign or anything and all I was getting was silence. So there I sat talking about these feelings in tears to all of these women and it was so freeing. I just barfed it all out. How mad I was at God, how frustrated I was with the doctor and what I felt like was bad diagnosis after bad diagnosis. Let me tell you, they were awesome. Soon I heard another story of infertility, another of loss and so much support. These people were so loving and at the end of the night they all prayed for me and came over and gave me hugs and told me all these wonderful things about me. It was amazing and I left that night finally feeling a sense of relief, a sense that we could take on this next step and as long as a door was open that I could go through it and maybe that was the answer I was looking for. The door for IVF was open so inside we went.

After getting through the fibroid surgery we were scheduled for an IVF class. The weekend before that class I kind of lost my mind. We had a friend's wedding to attend and I had been going through a few tumultuous weeks of poor work environment and low self esteem so I reacted like my college self and drank far too much. As I was getting sick and recovering from the wedding I was crying to Greg about how I just didn't want to feel anything anymore and how I got drunk so I could not deal with my life for a night. Whelp that was a problem. Murph was worried about me and my coping mechanism of choice as I had picked up the bottle a few times more often than usual over the summer as well. It was nothing serious but we wanted to make sure it didn't go down that path ever so I swore off drinking for awhile. You know it's getting to a low point when you are having these discussions with your husband, am I right? I also realized that a hangover at 31 is much less fun than the ones at 26 where you and your bestie spend the day eating McDonalds watching bad rom coms in your PJs on the couch. But I digress.... Let's get back to IVF class.

So the last week in October Greg and I spent an afternoon learning about the science behind IVF and received a calendar that dictated a slew of shots and antibiotics that I would need to be taking over the course of the next four weeks. We watched as the nurse demonstrated how to give yourself the shots and it's an understatement to say my head was spinning. Yeah I have a lot of ear piercings and a tattoo, but shots never have really sat well with me. I decided that I need to buck up and move past the needles to seeing what could potentially be on the other side of these shots, which was our family. I could do it. Well, I think I could anyway. We met with the nurse before we left and I experienced the first answer to our prayers. Like I have said IVF carries a significant price tag, about $17,000 when all is said and done for one full round. A huge expense in this number is the medicine for all of the shots. As the nurse was asking where to send our prescriptions and about our insurance we told her we had no fertility coverage (most folks do not). She said, "nothing at all?" and we replied with, "yeah nada". And  you know what she did? She reached into a mini fridge and gave us samples of the most expensive shot I needed to take. It was almost $2,000 worth of samples. I was speechless, and it was amazing. Greg and I both left the class that day in shock and gratefulness for that nurse, she really made me believe in that moment for some reason that this was going to be ok, and I knew in my heart that it was an answered prayer from the Big Guy.