PRAYERS FROM STANGERS

Back to the Bible study we go. Like I said me and a room of strangers more than twice my age talking about prayer and faith was a little intimidating at first. But soon I realized how much the women loved a younger person's perspective and how much I was growing listening to women who had matured so much in their faith. We were covering a book called, "The Power of Simple Prayer" by Joyce Meyer and one of the chapters we got to a chapter called, "Petition and Perseverance". Without getting into the nuts and bolts of the chapter itself while we were discussing it I felt very compelled to share with complete strangers what was going on in my life and how I was dealing with it. At the time I felt like all I did was talk to God, begging Him for a response or direction or a sign or anything and all I was getting was silence. So there I sat talking about these feelings in tears to all of these women and it was so freeing. I just barfed it all out. How mad I was at God, how frustrated I was with the doctor and what I felt like was bad diagnosis after bad diagnosis. Let me tell you, they were awesome. Soon I heard another story of infertility, another of loss and so much support. These people were so loving and at the end of the night they all prayed for me and came over and gave me hugs and told me all these wonderful things about me. It was amazing and I left that night finally feeling a sense of relief, a sense that we could take on this next step and as long as a door was open that I could go through it and maybe that was the answer I was looking for. The door for IVF was open so inside we went.

After getting through the fibroid surgery we were scheduled for an IVF class. The weekend before that class I kind of lost my mind. We had a friend's wedding to attend and I had been going through a few tumultuous weeks of poor work environment and low self esteem so I reacted like my college self and drank far too much. As I was getting sick and recovering from the wedding I was crying to Greg about how I just didn't want to feel anything anymore and how I got drunk so I could not deal with my life for a night. Whelp that was a problem. Murph was worried about me and my coping mechanism of choice as I had picked up the bottle a few times more often than usual over the summer as well. It was nothing serious but we wanted to make sure it didn't go down that path ever so I swore off drinking for awhile. You know it's getting to a low point when you are having these discussions with your husband, am I right? I also realized that a hangover at 31 is much less fun than the ones at 26 where you and your bestie spend the day eating McDonalds watching bad rom coms in your PJs on the couch. But I digress.... Let's get back to IVF class.

So the last week in October Greg and I spent an afternoon learning about the science behind IVF and received a calendar that dictated a slew of shots and antibiotics that I would need to be taking over the course of the next four weeks. We watched as the nurse demonstrated how to give yourself the shots and it's an understatement to say my head was spinning. Yeah I have a lot of ear piercings and a tattoo, but shots never have really sat well with me. I decided that I need to buck up and move past the needles to seeing what could potentially be on the other side of these shots, which was our family. I could do it. Well, I think I could anyway. We met with the nurse before we left and I experienced the first answer to our prayers. Like I have said IVF carries a significant price tag, about $17,000 when all is said and done for one full round. A huge expense in this number is the medicine for all of the shots. As the nurse was asking where to send our prescriptions and about our insurance we told her we had no fertility coverage (most folks do not). She said, "nothing at all?" and we replied with, "yeah nada". And  you know what she did? She reached into a mini fridge and gave us samples of the most expensive shot I needed to take. It was almost $2,000 worth of samples. I was speechless, and it was amazing. Greg and I both left the class that day in shock and gratefulness for that nurse, she really made me believe in that moment for some reason that this was going to be ok, and I knew in my heart that it was an answered prayer from the Big Guy.

ANOTHER SETBACK

Sorry for the delay in posting! Finishing our basement renovation, traveling for work, hosting Easter, a trip to Chicago and moving Murph's brother's family to their new home south of Kansas City all seemed to hit us at once!

Anywho, like I said my friend Sandy really wanted me to join the book study she was leading at her church, so I decided to jump on in. When I first walked into the room I was super anxious, I can't lie. There sat about eight women most of whom were 40 years older than me, what on Earth were we going to have in common? How can I participate in a Bible study with these complete strangers and have them relate to any part of my life? Well, God works in funny ways because it was such a great fit for me.

As I am starting to go to this weekly study Murph and I make the decision to move forward with IVF. In my conversations I have found that lots of people have no idea how this science works or really what it is, so I will take a minute here to explain it briefly. Everything Murph and I had done up to this point was what I would call gentile assistance. We used the standard mechanics of getting pregnant but with the doctor's help timed things more scientifically and assisted the swimmers on their journey so they wouldn't tire on their way.But we were still letting nature take its course in the fertilization department. In Vitro Fertilization or IVF is a different ballgame.

IVF is a process where I pump myself full of hormones that will stimulate my egg production. Women naturally ovulate one egg per month and the goal here is to get a lot more than one. With close monitoring I then would have my eggs harvested and fertilized in a lab with Murph's sperm. From there the fertilized eggs grow for 5 days in a dish in a lab. After that they are then put back in my uterus and we say a prayer that they stick and I become pregnant. But there are no guarantees. They may or may not stick and we owe the clinic some serious cash no matter what.

So we start in on this journey and it happens to time itself out pretty well. The first step is called a mock embryo transfer. Here the doc actually comes into the room and pretends he is doing the embryo transfer part of IVF. Here he can take some measurements and know exactly my road map so on the day of an actual transfer there are no mistakes. Because this was a really simple faux procedure I went to the appointment alone, assuring Murph nothing was really even happening that day so he could go to work. Man, that was dumb. I head into this appointment and the doc does his thing and just a minute in he hits that "roadblock" I told you all about. Remember the nurses having troubles with all of our AI's? Remember me telling the doc we were having issues with them? Well here he is literally running into the problem himself and he says, "oh, well look at that you have a fibroid on your cervix. We will need to get that removed." Um what?! "How does Friday look for you?"

So with that I scheduled another surgery for two days later to have the fibroid removed and called my husband in tears. Man was I mad. I know I have had this darn thing for the entire time we've been going through this process and tried to tell my doctor there was an issue, but it never seemed pressing enough for him to investigate himself! Then when he does look, there is a fibroid?! What the heck is it and is THAT the reason we aren't getting pregnant? I find through my internet searching that fibroids are pretty common and are non cancerous masses found usually in the uterus, mine just happened to be on my cervix. I would go in for another outpatient surgery and have this shaved down smooth, so that the doc can easily guide our embryos into my uterus without problems.

So in I go again. This surgery was mush less invasive than the removal of my endometriosis, and I was able to get some nausea medication to help me feel less terrible afterwards. Again, Murph took outstanding care of me and I spent the weekend on the couch recovering.

Up next, IVF class and prayers from strangers.