LOST DREAMS

As 29 comes lurking around the corner I am able to look at my life and feel truly blessed. I have a wonderful and supportive husband, crazy lovable dog, a home I adore, and a network of family and friends I wouldn't trade for the world. But something doesn't sit right. I know my life will never be a simple straight line where I cruise along blissfully oblivious to the problems and plight of others, and that there will always be a kink or 2 in the chain, but this is a 5 year kink that is starting to wear on my heart a little more than usual lately. My job. Bleh, even saying the word job adds to the pit in my stomach. No it's not a career, it's a job. It's nothing that I am proud of, it pays the bills and has a few perks here and there, but it's a job.

I never wanted just a job. I remember being a kid and having HUGE dreams. I wanted to write a book about my sister, I wanted to be a lawyer or an orthodontist, then there was the landscape architect phase and the post college art teacher pilgrimage I went on. When I was young I wanted to wear suits and be a powerful career woman, I wanted to do big and powerful and good things. I knew I was smart enough to do it, that never stood in my way, but somehow in college I became an artist. I was happiest when I was making something, even if I wasn't one of the CRAZY talented students (seriously, one just did the special effects for Iron Man 3, no lie). I also fell oddly in love with retail in college. I ADORED working for Victoria's Secret and to this day would still love a retail job if it didn't mean nights, weekends and holidays. So how did I get here? Sitting at a desk in a law office with 2 co-workers? How did I lose my first job and why have I flopped around so much since while my husband has had the same one he loves for the last 11 years? Guess we are all different.

As I casually look for a different position, I feel like my heart isn't in it. "I could do that" I say a lot, knowing my drive wouldn't be pushing me forward, rather a feeling of sustainment for my family would be the force. So I sit and assess my positive attributes wondering exactly what position will fill this void, what will take the lump out of my throat and the pit out of my stomach. And I don't have an answer.

I do know that God will provide. I will not be at this desk forever. Something will come along and I will feel the rush and excitement of a new job again. That I am sure. But most of all I need to dream again. I need to do something uniquely me, I need a new goal, I need something inspiring that I love to work towards. I need those feelings I had as a kid knowing I could do anything I wanted, to fill my spirit again. I'm not sure when my life will change and where the path will go, but I will keep the faith. God always provides. Not always in the way I plan, but He does.

STAYCATION

Last week Murph and I took 3 days off and had ourselves a little staycation. I originally had hoped we would be somewhere warm and tropical this Spring but it was a no go and fingers are crossed for the fall now. We were super productive and I am really happy about the projects we were able to complete!

WEDNESDAY

• Took Willy to the groomer for his first haircut. Ugh, disaster. He was butchered and came back super stressed. We won't be doing that again.
• Ran to Lowe's and Menards for some yard items.
• Got our first estimate on a new roof and some exterior repairs for the summer.
• Finished up the rest of the yard work.
• Finished the base and put together the sink for instillation downstairs finally!
• Dinner with S&J and Nic!

THURSDAY

• Visit from the plumber to install our sink in the powder room downstairs, it works, and I am loving it!
• Visit from the electrician to fix the wiring to our ceiling fan. He also pointed out our basement wiring is a mess and fixed a couple other minor issues we had going on.
• Visit from Murph's dad, who generously took all of our yard waste home with him to burn, Thanks Denny!!!
• Got our 2nd estimate on the roof and exterior work.
• Trip to the vet with Willy, as if he wasn't strung our enough already.

FRIDAY

• Murph headed off to the Drake Relays and I had the day at home with the pup. 
• I decided to surprise Murph with an overhaul to the shop in our basement and spent the afternoon getting some storage supplies, unpacking the new mitre saw, moving storage we already had, utilizing the peg board for tool storage, and just getting the space usable in general. Photos to come.

SATURDAY

• Murph went to the Relays again and I hit the gym, Junk Jubilee and lunch with Nic.
• I bartended an event at Hoyt Sherman that evening

SUNDAY

• Church, breakfast and groceries were done by 10:30a
• We attacked the garage together. We emptied the entire space swept and hosed it out. Got rid of anything we weren't using and organized what we had left. I took down some shelves that were in bad spots and useless and we installed a new shelving system to house our shoes, Willy's leash and some cleaning supplies freeing up TONS of space in our coat closet and making our shoes easily organized too, why are shoes a mess at everyone's house?! The awesome part about the shelving is that it was left by the previous owners and I discovered it while cleaning out the shop so all we had to purchase were the support pieces. 
• Staycation wrapped up with watching Marley and Me. I had DVR'd it knowing it would be sad but I bawled. I mean cried my little heart out at the end of it. What a silly way to end our week, but I did make sure to snuggle the pup a little extra last night ;)

YARD WORKING

Since we are still waiting for trim to arrive to finish the inside of the house we decided to tackle the outside over the last 2 weekends. This consisted of pulling up grass, pulling up grass, and pulling up more grass in our back yard. The entire perimeter of our back yard is a garden bed (previous owners decision) and while it is really pretty when it's lush it also comes with a fair amount of maintenance. Grass always creeps through the stone border so we had lots of grass infiltrating the gardens. We also dethatched the yard with our new electric dethatcher (the initial plan was to use a thatching rake and that quickly became an unreasonable task) then mowed and bagged up the remaining mess. I finally attacked 1 portion of our irises and dug up around 40 of them and replanted about 20 of them, giving the rest to a friend. They were starting to choke out other plants and were clustering all over the place so fingers crossed that the replanted ones take! Finally we mulched and mulched and will need to mulch some more but we are edging closer to done. Here is the general contractor and his human gardener hard at work pulling up some grass.

My favorites

I am hopeful that we can still work in building some raised garden beds later this year but I'm not sure if it will fit into the budget after the Murano took a hit to the windshield last week. Couple that with getting keyed last fall and a minor back-up into a pole and we are looking at a sizeable about of work on that poor vehicle.

All of that aside, we are taking 3 days off this week to continue to wrap up little projects with visits from a plumber, electrician, and roofer this week. Are we done yet?!

CHOP CHOP

Currently my hair is about as long as it has ever been. It's been a three year process to grow out my last short hair cut and bangs. Lately, especially after seeing Michelle Williams latest 'do I've been considering short .... like really short. Not like I spend hours a day on it as is, but sometimes I really want a 5 minute style. So I am lusting after these looks right now, it's just so scary thinking about going THAT short. Plus do you fall into the ever dreaded "mom cut" category here? Hmmmmm .....

Love this look on her!

My current favorite

Think the glasses are adorable with this length

A good side and back view

Cute asymmetric front

YOU ARE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN YOU THINK

I encourage you to take 6 minutes of your day to watch this message. Such a simple and great study. It honestly moved me to tears. I think no matter how many of your loved ones tell you that you are beautiful, women still perceive themselves to be the opposite. I know we all have days we look in the mirror and are a mix of emotions, it was so great to see how different others perceive us. I wish everyone could participate in this, and I know I will be telling my friends and family how beautiful they all are more often. Thanks Dove.



See all of the photos on their site here, it's pretty amazing, especially Melinda.