STUCK

I saw this today over at Oh So Beautiful Paper, and talk about hitting the nail on the head! It has been one of those weeks. You know the kind. The ones where you cry and cry and can't stop? Ugh, it stinks! I've been having one of those, "who am I" kind of weeks ... or maybe it's been months, I'm not sure. It's been this really deep ache in my gut I tell you what and "stuck" is a great way to describe it.

I've said to many people lately if it were socially acceptable I'd be the hippie type. You know long wavy hair, long skirts, tank top, no bra, showers occasionally, has a huge garden, lives on an acreage, paints in the barn, has 6 dogs and and roost chickens kind of person, and don't forget my crazy herd of kids running amuck (can you image poor Murph in that situation? haha). But that isn't the season I am in right now. Right now I live in the 'burbs, work in a law firm, and have no urban chickens. I don't paint (unless it's a wall in our house), I still shower (Murph might disagree on the weekends) and we don't have a family yet. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE my life. It is so full in so many ways, but something lately is amiss and I am ready to become unstuck. I think a part of my soul is wandering around outside of my body somewhere and I want to find it.

So I did the logical thing and made a list. Thinking maybe one of these things will fill the space between:

• Chop off my hair, I mean short. Like really short.
• Dye my hair red. 
• New glasses
• New shoes
• Get a long skirt and spend the morning at the farmer's market with a scarf in my hair
• Sketch every day for a month
• Take a calligraphy class
• Get a new tattoo
• Get a puppy
• Volunteer my time somewhere
• Drink more wine
• Run more
• Become a certified yoga instructor
• Take a class at Hope
• Do cartwheels in the yard
• Write a mission statement for my life
• Do more for others
• Learn to sew

I don't know what it is, but I'm not going to feel stuck any more. I'm on a mission to find me!

SNEAK PEEK!

Things are shaping up at Hawthorn Drive and I'm so happy that I am dancing in our kitchen :) Well really I am dancing everywhere downstairs and a little upstairs too. Here are just reasons for my dancing, some of the photos are terrible but I shot them at night so forgive me.

We have NEW CHAIRS! Yippppeeeee. Seriously the best deal ever. $50 each at IKEA ($66 w/ shipping) for 6 beautiful new white chairs, the perfect bright and crisp punch for our farmhouse table

And here is a sneak peek at the vanity Murph and I crafted up out of a black desk and sink parts from Overstock.com. My dad made a wood top for it too beef if up a bit.

Oh yeah, we GOT NEW TRIM UP! Yes after months of longing we were able to have my parents come down and help us get up some amazing new, white trim. It is glorious! Well almost, still LOTS of caulking and touch ups to go, BUT SERIOUSLY AMAZING! Oh yeah, those doors are new too :)

And finally on a non downstairs related note, Murph and I quick put up some sweet wall mounted lights in our bedroom. Those bad boys were $20 each, yes $20 each. Oh how I love a great looking bargain and how I love us each having a light! Now about those pesky night stands.....

CHEERS FOR 1 YEAR!

Um what?! Can it be? We seriously celebrated our 1 year anniversary this weekend?! Eeeekkkk! Yes it is true Murph and I have been married a year, and I could hardly believe it. We decided to take last Friday off and spend our anniversary with 4 days at home, exciting I know! We did accomplish a few things though including: oil changes, painting all of the new trim to be installed, some yard work, a few runs and dinner with our friends Kyle and Sarah.

For our actual anniversary we exchanged some gifts, hit up Cozy Cafe for breakfast, spent some time on our deck, went to church and grabbed dinner at Johnny's with some dessert from the Cheesecake Factory. Pretty great day in my book!

In the last year Murph and I learned so much about each other. Since we didn't live together before we got married there was a bit of a learning curve in those first few months and we had our fair share of squabbles (i.e. banana peels go in the OUTSIDE trash!) but since this past Fall things have been sailing along pretty smooth. I truly think we can state getting on the same page with our money/debt situation as the biggest accomplishment in this first year and I am so glad we have squashed almost all of our debt in a matter of months. I also am thankful for our continued walk together in our faith. We both prayed for a spouse who would be a positive influence in our faith and we are so thankful that has been the case from the start.

So what's in store for year 2? Who knows! We have gotten some estimates for working on the exterior of our home and that is what we plan to save up for over the next 12 months or so. A new roof, gutters, soffit, fascia, siding and maybe some stone veneer are on the agenda. We have about 1/3 of the expenses saved for but will be focusing in on the other 2/3rds this year. After running through the pros/cons of full siding replacement we think that a repair is just a band-aid fix and we plan on staying at least another decade at Hawthorn Drive so we are going to take the plunge and we are so freaking excited to see what our house will look like after it's makeover.

She's beggin' for a makeover!

Cheers to a great first year and thank you to everyone who has supported us on our journey, we couldn't do it alone!

HEARTACHE

I'm emotional. I cry at every kids movie I see, the show Parenthood is close to being banned in our house, and once the sight of BabyGap opened my flood gates right in the middle of the mall. I'm emotional.

However, the older I get the more I truly see what heartbreak is, and realize I haven't experienced it. Deep sadness, yes. Heartbreak, no. The footage from Oklahoma is unbearable for me to watch, I can't imagine experiencing it firsthand. Yet somehow, this emerges. At the end she says, "Well I thought God just answered one prayer, to let me be ok ... He answered both of them, because this is my best friend." Sometimes I need a simple reminder that even in tragedy God is at work.

ADOPT!

When I was young we had a Shih Tzu, I named him Murphy, how funny is that?! He was a punk that bit me twice in the face, and "went to a farm north of town" when he got my sister ... and yes I am bitter that I got two bites and she got one! After that the Bauman's never had another pet. Then two years ago after dating for a few months I got a text from Murph with this picture in it.

Hi. Please love me!

Chief was a pup at the ARL and I was smitten. I had wanted a dog for years but the timing was never right. I saw those big goofy eyes and we had to visit! After our visit to the ARL, we knew he had to be ours (ok, Murph's, I was just the girlfriend). Murph got him the next day and we started the crazy ride of dog life, and changed his name to Willy. He was a holy terror. He bit, he barked, he was naughty, he brought us to tears more than once. But we stuck it out and did some training with him. Slowly but surely he changed, we saw he really was smart.

What a furry mess he was when we got him

Crazy dog

He was there when Murph asked me to marry him, and I was so happy to hear that were were officially going to be a family :) Soon after we celebrated having him a year. His "crazy ears" had finally laid down and he was now the happiest pup around.

Engaged. Finally going to be a family!

So dapper on the celebration of his first year with us!

Willy is a dog, this I know. But he is part of our family, and I love him like mad. He never fails to greet me at the door jumping like crazy, he's a great running partner and the best cuddler ever. He lays in my lap when I cry and makes us laugh daily. My dad is nuts about him which makes me smile, even though he feeds him whatever he pleases when we visit them. Willy is a keeper for sure. I am so glad we rescued this mutt 2 years ago, he's the best and will always be the start of our family. Happy WillyDog day! Adopt!

First family Christmas card as the Murphy's

Our General Contractor

Love!

One smart pup :)

I can't lie I melt when he is sleepy on my chest